Corys Blog

Little Red Pill

by Cory on October 21, 2015 12:37 PM

I got pills. I'm staring at the bottle right now. The doctor says I'm depressed now and not just dysthymic. I asked him what the turning point was and he says my conversation with him shows an increased degree of "hopelessness" compared to last time. I don't really buy it, but I'm sick of being stuck in bed paralyzed by anxiety.

He gave me generic Prozac and told me that I should take one pill in the morning everyday. I still have yet to take one as I find myself still hesitant to alter my brain chemistry with medication... I guess this really isn't any different from drinking right?

On the other hand, as long as I remember everything that I expereinced has been tinged with sadness. Everytime I look out on to the landscape, smell damp grass after a light rain and look at the dark clouds. Or maybe see a family in a restaurant having a birthday party. For some reason, the strongest emotion I feel is sadness. And lonliness. It's like by default, the mood for me is sadness. I really don't know why but it's become more noticeable to me over time and I feel like it's not related to anything that is happening to me in life. That undertone of sadness is just there all the time, making me feel weird.

Will these pills get rid of that feeling and nothing else? Or will my personality change and stuff when I take them?

I think I will take another few days to decide whether or not I can keep going with them.

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