Corys Blog

Tonight We Are Victorious

by Cory on October 31, 2015 11:30 PM (Edited October 31, 2015 11:32 PM)

It's the end of October 31st and thus marks the end of what is probably the worst month of 2015 for me. I finally have a chair and a table to put my computer on and an internet connection to use to write this. I've spent the past two weeks in an empty room with no lights, sleeping on the floor, and devoid of internet access. Tonight I will sleep like a king!

Also, it's been a little over a week since I've started taking Prozac. It's scary how effective this medicine is though. I noticed that my anxiety is dampened considerably and what would have been an acrid stomach churning ache is now a dull boredom. It's like blowing your nose when you're sick and being able to breath clearly for a few minutes. I hadn't noticed the anxiety just building up. It feels good to just put down all the baggage and distracting concerns for a while. I feel like the me from three years ago, when everything seemed full of opportunity and potential. I started working on that isometric demo again and I've made a little progress even.

Well, I think I had a low point Thursday but on the beginning dosage it ended up just being me mildly irritated for most of the day. Life is still trying to get in the way of my pill high.

I want to say that it feels like the medicine is just so that I can readjust my "operating" mood back to "normal" levels but I'm not so sure how reliable my opinion is. I can't really trust anything anymore can I? What scares me, though, is that this is only the beginning. My psychiatrist is already talking about when we will up the dosage and I can already just see this as the flash back in my personal tragedy story about how I was advised to up my medication and then growing a tolerance to it. But really, hopefully I'll just get the hang of it, feel better, and get off the medicine and then become a productive, fulfilled member of society. Yes, please, Cory, let's do that.

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