Slacker Zen

Session 1

by Cory on May 11, 2019 10:15 PM

Current State of Mind:

Heart beat is fast. Burning in my chest, that feeling you get when something bad happens. I think people usually say "pit in my stomach". Quite bad, almost 24/7.

Fearful

Almost in a loop, I experience these three thoughts

  1. D****** hates me. All of her friends hate me. I can never talk to any of them again. I shouldn't be in California.
  2. My parents hate me. I abandoned them and I can't go back. Shameful.
  3. I got into an argument with some douche coworker on the internet. All those people who downvoted me hate me. Everyone from work hates me.

 

With some concentration I made it stop for a couple seconds.

I want to know what my therapist thinks of this. You're supposed to separate yourself from your thoughts, but I don't think I understand. All of these things are going wrong at the same time, doesn't that imply something really bad for me? Haven't figured out how not to panic yet...

Post meditation

A few minutes of just sitting there and letting my thoughts go by, but not following them. Strangely, I do feel better during the few hours after. My heartbeat is normal now. Feeling of impending doom has passed for now.



This Thought is part of Slacker Zen

A meditation journal. To save myself before I get sucked into an endless pit of despair.

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